One of the side-effects of our hyper-connected world in the last few years has been the proliferation of new words. As soon as a newly coined term catches the fancy of the netizens, its usage spreads like wildfire; and even if it doesn’t make it to the official dictionaries, it manages to become part of the mainstream language of popular culture. Words like ‘Brangelina’, ’staycation’, ’spam’ among many others are just some examples of such neologisms. The more amusing ones are those that come from The Washington Post’s annual Neologism contest. Every year the readers are asked to submit alternative meanings to existing word with some brilliant results. The best of last year’s list ~
~Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained!
~ Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
~Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
~ Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
~ Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
~ Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
~ Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
~ Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
~ Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
~ Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there!
They also ask readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The pick among those winners ~
~ Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
~ Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
~ Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
~ Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
~ Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
~ Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
~ Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
~ Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
~ Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
~ Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
And the one that got a thumbs up from all…
~ Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole!